my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
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Do I have a choice?
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How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
