thus making me awesome and them whores
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
