So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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