This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
