it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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