She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
