You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
