We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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