Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
