Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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