Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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