one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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