what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I have tasted many bathrooms
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
