my sisters under your porch take her home
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
