If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
