so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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