I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
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