I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
