dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
