before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
