I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
