I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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