$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
