There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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