nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
