The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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