her vagina looked like bernie madoff
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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