You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
