Yo dont text me then not text me
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
