I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
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