How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
