i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Randomize
