The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Randomize
