I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Randomize
