The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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