Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Randomize
