So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
