dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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