This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
