I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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