if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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