I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Randomize
