I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
