no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Randomize
