I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
