becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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