They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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