I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
You have to summon your inner elephant
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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