if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
