could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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