Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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